A New Poem: Look Beyond the Trees

 This is one of a number of sky poems I've written in the last few years.

 

The sky is

my touchstone.

What lies beyond

the trees and

the white bird’s flight

is the origin

of oracles.

Sailing clouds.

Pink dawns.

Red sunsets.

The sun

breaking through

the clouds –

or not.

Mist obscuring

the hills –

or not.

Nights with constellations,

nights with the moon –

or not.

Lifting my head,

I am related

and reoriented.

Any time.

Any place.

Message received.

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Crazy Hair

When it first came back, the top front was the last to appear.  The little caps I had worn for nine months – red, lavender, blue, black - stayed on my head, keeping me warm, but more so hiding what to my mind was ugliness and the sign of my disease.  

The pounds came back, too, slowly, just as the hair did.

When the caps came off, people complimented me on my appearance and asked if I would keep my hair short.  Now, I have hated having short hair ever since high school when my unskilled or clueless hairdresser said, “You’ll never have long hair.  It’s too wavy and unruly.”  A tall girl, I felt my short wavy hair was not only unattractive, but also made me look pin-headed.  And so, in college, despite the pronouncement, I grew my hair almost to my waist.  Hippie hair was long hair, and I wanted it.  The weight of it pulled out the frizz and the curl.

 

After that, when I got rid of the long hair, what I got was "big hair." It wasn’t until mid-life that I learned about a method for cutting curly hair that left me without a big, frizzy head, and with receiving frequent compliments for my luxurious, controlled waves.

 

After two sessions of chemo, I had to have my family snip off my locks.  My daughter-in-law stepped in to help.  After I got tired of seeing short hairs all over the place, I asked my son to shave my head.  Bald.  Months and months of baldness.  Some women pull off bald heads with dignity and flair.  I was not one of them, especially with my newly gaunt face and tired eyes.

 

Chemo can be soul-killing in addition to being cancer-killing.

 

But for now, at least, that time is over.  My hair continues to grow, curlier than before, and wilder.  I don’t know what will happen with it, just as I don’t know what else my poor beleaguered body will have to deal with.  There’s not much I can do with crazy hair now, except appreciate having it and watching it grow.

 

The things we take for granted… It’s hair!  On my head!  And other places, too!

A New Poem: Patterns

 We are so fortunate to be in Hawaii long enough to get into a rhythm of daily life.  Such a gift to be here, and doing very little!

We settle in.

Morning rituals:

his walks, my writing,

daily divinations,

small offerings to

earth and sky.

Afternoon tea.

Sunsets.

Evening movies.

These are the patterns

we develop and

rest into, the rhythms

of the day.

There is comfort

in the consistency,

even knowing that

safety is nonsense.

Still, there is value

in the comfort of repetition,

as long as we do not

take any of it for granted,

as long as we know that

the security offered

by patterns is a treasure

of this moment only.

 We're in Hawaii, very close to Kealakekua Bay.  Much gratitude to our friends who sent us here.  This new poem is called A Beginning.

The dolphin pod swims into the bay

in the early morning.

A rainbow arcs across

the dawning sky.

The ocean is calm,

the air heavy.

This is a time of transition,

a liminal time in a liminal place.

It Is not meant for you

to be comfortable.

It is not for you only

to take and receive.

Offerings must be made.

Only an exchange is worthy

of the seeker.

Where the clouds touch the sea,

where the fire meets the water,

where the rocks climb to the heavens,

there you will find

what you are looking for.

There you will be made whole,

there, when you give yourself

away.

Godforsaken: A New Poem

 I just had a delightful time sharing poems with a friend, sitting on our deck.  After reading this one to her I decided maybe I could put it out a little further into the world.

Who would blame the gods 

for forsaking us now, 

given what we have done 

to what was bequeathed to us?

Yet I feel their presence, the old gods, 

the ones here at the beginning.

I sense them watching and waiting,

still filling the air with presence,

still charging the earth with fertility,

despite our efforts to poison them 

and the waters as well.

Only fire is uncorrupted, 

breaking out here and there

in the overwhelming heat 

of unnatural summers.

But its intent to cleanse 

rages out of control,

and the winds rise 

to fan the flames and

to whip storms into 

a frenzy over the seas.

Is there still time for us 

to reverse course,

to remember the gods 

of the earth and the sky,

the depths both below and above?

I want to cry out, “I won’t forsake you, 

gods of our ancestors, goddesses of my heart! 

I will honor the ancestral and the sacred.”

Maybe they will hear me, but I do not expect

them to intervene in our debacle.

It is up to us to adhere to the teachings 

that we scrabble and scratch to unearth 

below the glittering surface 

we have been taught to sanctify.

Like Rachel, I will keep my teraphim, 

my household gods, and worship 

what they stand for and embody.

What is holy is holy.

The least I can do 

is not abandon 

what I know to be true,

SoulCollage® card with my own teraphim

A New Poem: Elemental

Here is a companion piece to my last post - a poem that came out of the Writers' Intensive.

The wind is my lover.

Sometimes he sweeps my mind clean.

Sometimes he caresses my cheek.

Sometimes he is gone.

 

The water is my mother.

She rocks and holds me as if I were a child.

Unlike the wind, she is constant,

and I cannot live without her.

Every morning and evening I I look to the sky, to wind’s home

and admire its changing face.

But water is my solace.

 

Let the bed remain rumpled and unmade.

I have more important things to tend to –

the flickering candles, the morning birdsong, the blank page.

 

I once watched new land being born,

lava pouring down the pali and across the old land

to pour into the sea, creating new earth in a fanfare of pluming smoke.

Why do I think of this now?

Air and water grew lonely for fire and earth.

 

So, here they are, all assembled, my friends, my family.

Fire says, “Where would you be without me?”

Earth replies, “Show-off!”

Fire retorts, “Look who’s talking?  What do you call what you do

with springtime?”

Water flows in, “There, there everyone.”

Air breezes by, almost, but not quite, blowing out the candles.

I recently attended (on Zoom) a week-long writers' intensive with Deena Metzger.  It was wonderful and, well, intense!  Some of the writing I did was on the theme of place, which has shown up here quite a bit of late.  Here's a piece of what came out of the writing at the workshop.

Down at Glen Echo Creek, the dappled light filters down through the trees, illuminating patches of grass and brown earth layered with tangled exposed tree roots.  Cascades of bright orange nasturtiums with their round green leaves spill in profusion down the steep but short bank.  The water runs swiftly on its way down to Lake Merritt, which opens its mouth to the estuary and finally the bay.  The water burbles and sings as it hits a curve in the bank, flowing around the rocks and roots that form a tiny peninsula.  There is a green smell, part fresh and just a bit rank in  this damp and shady slice of an otherwise drying June landscape.

Sitting on rugged tree roots jutting up just above the creek, I can imagine that I am deep in the natural world.  I can avoid looking up at the green house on the other side of the fence at the top of the opposite bank.  Of course, I know that Piedmont Grocery and all the other shops on Piedmont Avenue are only a block away, but here there is a hum of insects, a few occasional bird chirps, the caw of a solitary crow.  A host of tiny insects dance on a patch of almost still water.  Down a ways on the other bank, a tumble of gray rocks rests just above the water, bearing patches of sunlight, holding and sharing their slow stories.

What do I not notice?  There are sounds of passing cars on the street only a dozen paces away and the steady drone of vehicles on the freeway a few blocks from here.  I prefer ignoring those.  There is a sudden wafting aroma of tacos.  A foghorn sounding from way down at the bay.  The knowledge that a few short blocks from here another homeless encampment has formed beyond the iron fencing the city installed to keep them from settling under the freeway overpass.  There is an ache in my left hip from sleeping uncomfortably last night.  I'd prefer ignoring that, too.  What I don't see is frequently what I turn away from.

Before I leave, I make a small offering and thank the green world and the water I am so privileged to live in and near.  I ask the water what it needs.

"Just continue to love," it says.