Transitions

This is a big one.  Yesterday I did have a meltdown (but only one) and I told Barry it felt like we were making a huge mistake.  Fortunately, that passed.  But I've been alone for 24 hours, getting the apartment together.  I took a break.  this is what came.

Anxious.

I am.

I can tell myself

how foolish it is

to succumb.

I can get busy.

I can rest.

Nothing changes

the feeling.

Time will.

Time will change it.

I know this.

It doesn’t help me now, though.

I tell myself that

life is itself transition.

It is.

Does that help?

No.

I tell myself that

in this moment

I am actually fine.

I am.

Does that matter?

No.

What will help

is connecting with people.

My husband.  My children.  My friends.

They are not here now.

They will be here soon, I know.

That doesn’t help me now either.

All I can do is take three conscious breaths,

as Pema Chodron says.

Lean into the feeling,

see where that takes me.

Here goes.  I will stop typing now.

Okay, I settled a bit.

It’s a curious feeling,

a tightness in my chest.

Anxiety.

Please pass soon.