Woman with Cancer

In the middle of my 4th round of chemotherapy, I've finally been able to start writing again.  It's been a while!  The poem is raw and brand new.  The photo was taken this morning of me with a beautiful lei my friend Janis sent.

People do not want to look at

            women who have cancer.

Perhaps they are afraid that

            it is catching.

Perhaps they fall too far

            into pity.

Perhaps they are embarrassed

            by their fascination.

Perhaps it simply engenders

            fear or disgust.

But it is my body,

            and I cannot turn away.

This is what I see

            in the mirror, in the flesh:

Sudden aging, with

            new lines and wrinkles;

An almost bald head with

            a few wisps of clinging gray hair;

The loss of pubic hair,

            unexpected, yet logical.

A thinner body, thinner face,

            skinnier legs;

Dry skin, a loosening wedding ring,

            a careful, deliberate gait.

There is a resonance between

            how I appear and how I feel.

I call up strength from

            long years of introspection.

I straighten my spine, determined

            to walk the path

That has suddenly opened up

            before me,

The one I had no desire or plan

            to travel.

This is what I have been given,

            what is mine to endure.

If anyone chooses to really

            look at me,

Perhaps they will see a clearer and truer me,

            than they ever saw before.