It Begins with a Call: Wrestling the Snake, Carrying the Fire (Part 14)

I begin morning pages with my curiosity about the surfacing of Hygeia.  Here is what comes out of my pen:

            You are coming to terms with illness, aging and death because these are the things that can stand in the way of the work.  Legitimately.  You will not be able to do as much as when you were younger, and you’ll need to accept it.  This is the snake you are wrestling with.  You must feed it and get a handle on it or it will bite you and control you, driving you into fear.  And in fear nothing good happens except for heightened senses and the need to run.  From this, though, you will have no escape.  This is a huge piece of work that cannot be done in (healthy) youth.

Here is what I am coming to: the knowledge that when fear arises, as it will since it is my habitual tendency, there is a deep core of myself, where my soul resides, that I can deepen into.  I can breathe, lower my shoulders, and be kind to myself.  I do not need to victimize myself with my fears or catastrophize.

I go to a writing workshop with my teacher.  She drums, and we write what arises in us.

What the Drum Calls Forth

Fire voice rising

Fire voice rising up

Dance dance

dance the fire.

Twice, three times every night

Fire rises up and you

rush to quench it, damp it down.

Why do you think it comes to you?

It comes to be danced.

It comes to be honored.

It comes, and where does it come from?

From Spirit, or the root of the body?

From theories or heart song?

From the core of being?

There is no respect for fire.

There is no respect for water.

There is no respect for air.

There is no respect for earth.

But you,

you have the gift of fire,

of fire voice rising up,

of the power of the fire dance.

The flame, the eternal one that burns

in the deep heart’s core,

you cannot ignore it for anything else.

You cannot contain it if

you cannot respect it.

Your fingertips burn,

your face turns red,

your world burns, and you

have yet to own it.

The voice of fire says –

Take me!  Take me!

You know I am yours.

Why do you turn away?

Why do you deny me,

forsake me, let me run out

of control in the winds?

Because the winds are in collusion.

The water is in collusion.

The earth, the earth lies down

before it.

Deny me – fire says –

and your life is a travesty.

Why do you think you are here?

You are here to ignite the world.

Your longing for water is not contrary.

Your love of water, of sky, of trees,

of hummingbirds at the red feeder are not

a rebuttal.

The facet you polish brightens the

whole jewel.

Now, now do you know

why you are here?

The teacher says it is hard and it is interesting to carry something.  If you are willing to carry it, everything changes.  It is not to be healed, but to be carried.

It Begins with a Call: A Vision of Athena and Hygeia (Part 12)

Athena is still around. 

I close my eyes and picture the sacred spring at Panther Meadow on Mt. Shasta, a place that is sacred to me. From there, I see myself ascend to the top of a mountain where I find a fire outside a cave.  I sit down alongside the fire and wait, knowing that I need permission to enter the cave.  Athena arrives and takes me inside and Hygeia is there.  She is beautiful but does not look like Klimt’s version of her, although She tells me She likes the way he portrayed Her.  Here She is dressed simply and has a long, dark braid hanging down Her back.  She feeds me a syrup made from elder flowers and berries, thyme, and snake venom.

My Hygeia SoulCollage® card

Athena lays me down and kisses my forehead.  The kiss sends a jolt of energy running through me.  She speaks about my being (or needing to be) a warrior.  Not one who fights literal battles, but one whose work is protecting and defending the children and myself.  She tells me that I am to be a healer, but not a physical healer.  My work is not hands-on healing of the body.  She instructs me to say three times, “I accept Athena Hygeneia,” which I do (I have not seen the name Hygeneia anywhere).

Athena tells me to go to the teacher’s next healers’ intensive, not to either start or finish a process, but to “ripen” one.  She tells me this will be made clear if I pay attention, and that intellectual information will be given to me in my dreams.  She says that snakes are important; they are meant to scare.  My work is about healing fear.

Well, fear is one thing I’m certainly familiar with.  I remember the appearance of a large snake the last time I was at the teacher’s.

I have never felt either attracted to or fascinated by snakes.  Maybe this will change.  Both Athena and Hygeia handle snakes.

Hygeia wields her snake

            with confidence and skill.

She is beautiful and proud,

            and I wonder

what She might be

            to me.  I wonder,

what are Her stories?

The snake amulet came to me

            with a reading about shedding fear.

Hygeia knows about this,

            the way the Cretan snake goddesses -

Ixchel, Kali, and the Rainbow Serpent -

            all embody and brandish snake power

without fear.

            They let me know

I have much to learn.

I remember the teacher once saying that Spirit will not necessarily come to you in the way you want or expect.  Maybe all my whining and complaining about not feeling connected to Spirit is because I haven’t recognized how Spirit communication and, really, communion happen.  I get guidance when consulting my SoulCollage® cards, especially the one I call Wisdom Keeper.  She became my guide at age 65, for the years from ages 65 to 70.  She answers my questions when I write in the mornings, and never fails me.  But sometimes I discount her advice because it comes through the voice in my own head; the words come pouring out of my pen onto paper.  I think, “Well, it’s just my own voice.” But what if it is the way Spirit communicates to me, and I have just been discounting it?

Wisdom Keeper

I also wondered whether this focus on Athena and Hygeia was insulting to Persephone, to whom I feel allegiance, so I asked Her.  She said, “Oh, dear heart, expand your repertoire.  And your council.”

I like this idea, of having a council of goddesses and wisdom figures to be my guides.