Friday, August 17, 2012


This is a big one.  Yesterday I did have a meltdown (but only one) and I told Barry it felt like we were making a huge mistake.  Fortunately, that passed.  But I've been alone for 24 hours, getting the apartment together.  I took a break.  this is what came.

I am.
I can tell myself
how foolish it is
to succumb.
I can get busy.
I can rest.
Nothing changes
the feeling.
Time will.
Time will change it.
I know this.
It doesn’t help me now, though.

I tell myself that
life is itself transition.
It is.
Does that help?

I tell myself that
in this moment
I am actually fine.
I am.
Does that matter?

What will help
is connecting with people.
My husband.  My children.  My friends.
They are not here now.
They will be here soon, I know.
That doesn’t help me now either.

All I can do is take three conscious breaths,
as Pema Chodron says.
Lean into the feeling,
see where that takes me.
Here goes.  I will stop typing now.

Okay, I settled a bit.
It’s a curious feeling,
a tightness in my chest.
Please pass soon.


  1. You really remind me of how I felt when we left Menlo Park. My dreams helped me make the transition, but it was very slow.

  2. I know how you feel, Maya... Sending lots of love. Conni