Thursday, June 21, 2012

We Are All Pilgrims

So, here at the crossroads.

Do you know Rob Brezsny's horoscopes?  Both Barry's and mine were amazing this week.  His was all about envisioning a new building he is going to (!).  Here's mine:

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Swans, geese, and ducks molt all their flight 
feathers at once, which means they may be unable to fly for several 
weeks afterwards. We humans don't do anything like that in a literal way, 
but we have a psychological analog: times when we shed outworn self-
images. I suspect you're coming up on such a transition, Aries. While 
you're going through it, you may want to lie low. Anything resembling 
flight -- launching new ventures, making big decisions, embarking on great 
adventures -- should probably be postponed until the metamorphosis is 
complete and your feathers grow back.

I really have no choice but to lie low.  Unable to fly... or walk.  

A few weeks ago I started a poem.  I think it still needs work, but this morning I found myself drawn back to it.

We Are All Pilgrims
We are all pilgrims.
Some worship at the temple of materialism.
Some linger in the warm pools of Aphrodite.
Others trek to mountain peaks
or hidden springs,
seeking the source
of mystery itself.
But we all journey somewhere.
We are all pilgrims.
The roads we travel –
the dusty miles,
the rain-soaked muddy roads,
the twisting uphill trails -
drag on, so arduous and long,
with no endpoint in sight.
But then, one day,
you look into a mirror, or
catch your reflection
in still water,
and you see
that you have grown old.
Suddenly, a different destination nears.
You cry out –
I’m not ready!
Now you understand that
it was never arriving
that mattered.
You know –
deeply and without doubt –
that the pilgrimage itself
was the point.
All of those hours lost
in complaint, confusion and misery –
you realize that they were
opportunities ignored and departed.
Even now,
walking the great camino,
you rouse – repeatedly –
from unconscious moments.
You desperately want
to stay open-eyed
and grateful.
But even our failures are the journey.
And we are all pilgrims.

The "you" here is, of course, me talking to me.

It is so hard to feel gratitude when you're having a rough time.  I'm trying to - as the saying goes - sit in the tension of the opposites.  I drew a SoulCollage card this morning for the next quarter, as I do on every solstice and equinox, and it came up a very challenging one (the printer is in storage or I'd scan it and post here).  The images are of a crying soldier, a little boy with a toy gun and a snake.  It was hard receiving this one, but I decided that part of my current challenge is to look at the old, painful stories, 
honor them, and lay them down, or offer them up, or...whatever I can do with/about them.

Here is where Hecate comes in. The pilgrimage brought me to this crossroads, and here I am.  Waiting.

Waiting to heal.  Waiting for the house to sell.  Waiting to move. Waiting for my feathers to grow back, according to my horoscope.  Waiting, waiting, waiting.  THIS is my journey right now.   

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